And That, Ellie, Is How I Met Your Mother
by TheINFJLioness
Summary: Ellie Stinson is now a teenager-and that means she's ready to date. But her father won't even let boys look at her, fearing that they only want her for sex. Ellie can't take it anymore and confronts him. Barney has no choice but to reveal his promiscuous past-and the story of how he met her mother. Two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**It's highly likely that Barney would become the overprotective father over Ellie once she becomes a teenager and ready to date. So why not write a story about that?**

Ellie slammed the door behind her.

"Don't you slam the door on me, young lady!" Barney yelled as he came through the door.

"Dad, what is wrong with you?!" Ellie snapped at her father. "Jake is a sweet boy! How could you just scare him off like that?"

"Scare him off?" Barney narrowed his eyes into a glare. "You mean when I told him to never even look at you or else I would beat him so hard he would call into a coma? I _intended_ to scare him! All teenage boys just want sex! Even the nice ones! Ask your Uncle Ted!"

Ellie scoffed. "Uncle Ted? A hopeless romantic like him?"

Barney thought for a minute and sighed, "Ok, not your Uncle Ted." He grimaced. His daughter was witty. "But every _other_ nice teenage boy!"

"Dad, you know that I'm intelligent enough to tell when a guy is just sex-hungry!" Ellie protested. "So why act so hostile?"

"Because, I-!" Barney stopped once he realized what he was about to say. His face dropped with guilt. He slowly turned his head away.

"Dad? What's wrong?" Ellie inquired, perplexed. "Is there something more to this than the fact that I'm a teenager now?"

Barney sighed again. He was her father, and parents must be honest with their children. He had to tell her the truth.

No matter how much he didn't want to. What if she hated him for his former promiscuous ways?

He had to find out.

"Ellie, I'm going to tell you the story...of how I met your mother."

**Dun dun dun!**

**R&R**


	2. Chapter 2

**1. Sorry I haven't updated. I've been really busy with school, and finals are coming up.**

**2. I decided that this will be a three-shot instead of a two-shot.**

**Here's Barney talking to Ellie about his past. **

"I was a hippie my entire life.

I cared so much about the Earth, and the people and animals on it. Sounds like your dream guy. Sure, maybe my long hair wasn't too hot, but I was still pretty awesome.

I was the opposite of who I became. I treated women like human beings, I treated people as equals, I took responsibility for my actions-I did the right thing. That all changed when my first (and who I thought would be my only) girlfriend, Shannon, left me for someone who I would later become.

She left me for a guy who treated women like objects, only cared about their bodies, was arrogant, never took responsibility for his actions-never did the right thing.

I was so heartbroken and furious. Why would Shannon leave a sweet, benevolent guy like me for an asshole like him?

I was so devastated that it ruined me.

I never wanted to fall in love again, because I was afraid I would get hurt again.

But it wasn't just that.

I decided that relationships were worthless, because you would just get hurt (though I didn't explicitly admit this to my friends), and women were just either incredibly stupid or only cared about men's bodies.

So I felt like giving them a piece of their own medicine. I deceived them, slept with them, and then dumped them so they realized that I never loved them at all.

That's how I became a man-whore. Taking out my uncontrollable sexual urges out on bimbos I didn't care for made my life amazing. I couldn't stand girls, but their hot bodies distracted me from it. You know what I'm saying? Hehehe.

Hey. I'm joking. Chillax.

All because I wanted to teach these ladies what it feels like to be deceived and treated like dirt.

I was an asshole. Giving people the pain that I suffered was so, so selfish of me, and yet it took me so long to realize it.

But it wasn't just sleeping around. I treated my friends like crap, too. I did the stupidest things, I did the douchiest things.

I could go on for a year talking giving examples in detail, but that would take too long (**IT WOULD TAKE 9 YEARS. LOL)**

So I'll just give you a few. I tricked women with the craziest lies. Lies that you could never imagine an adult falling for. For example, I tricked a woman into thinking I was genie and that my penis granted wishes. I tricked a woman into thinking I was Ryan Gosling. I tricked a woman into thinking that I worked for an agency called Secret NASA or SNASA. Boy, was she a SMORON.

That's how stupid these women were.

In spite of that, anyone in their right mind would past me's guts, and they should.

You should.

I could have been the childish lunatic without being a bastard to anyone. If Shannon had never dumped me, I would have never changed. But I also would have never had you, Ellie. You are the love of my life. Everything I had and am is yours forever.

I hope you can forgive me, Ellie, even though that a part of me tells me that you shouldn't. But the reason that I acted so poorly was because my heart was scarred. It's what happens to you, but I took the worst. I don't know what to say Ellie, other than I love you so much. More than words can describe.

Because this is what led me to meeting your mother.

**R&R**


End file.
